Dear Rowan, April 5 Bend, OR
Darts are a stupid way to pick a new
place to live. Or maybe they need to be thrown by someone who is no good at
darts. I put the map up on my dart board, threw my dart, and hit it right in
the middle, so it looks like I will be moving to Wichita, Kansas. This may not
be as horrible as it somehow seems right now. I was looking for a city that was
bigger than Arbuckle or Bend (which is not difficult) and I certainly found one. I was
looking for a city in a state a good distance away from California and Oregon, and Kansas
is definitely far away. I am sure that the pictures on the internet of Wichita
do not do the city justice, so I am refusing to place my judgement by what I
can look up. I will experience it for myself. I have no grand ideas about
finding a lovely little house as soon as I arrive, so I am just taking enough
of my stuff to get me by in an apartment. I am leaving all my furniture, since
I think I should be able to find an already-furnished apartment, or else supply
what I need from secondhand stores (except for a bed, that I will get new once
I know how big the bedroom is in my new place). Upon the advice of several
friends who have left town and rented places in other cities, I am not putting
down a deposit on anyplace until I see it. I have heard too many horror stories
about signing a lease sight-unseen.
And thus begins my grand adventure! I
have a destination, and everything will change when I get there! . . . Right?
It really has to, doesn't it? Wichita is so much bigger than Arbuckle or Bend there
have to be more opportunities there than there are here. It will be great, I'm
sure of it. Wonderful, I don't know if I am convincing you or myself, or maybe
both. I would say that at least I will be living closer to you, but there will
still be a few thousand miles difference between us, so I am not sure that it
really counts.
I think all I really need to take are
my clothes, bed stuff, bath stuff, and kitchen stuff. I am not even going to
take my movies until I get settled in. I am putting most everything into a
storage locker, and I can pull things out of it once I figure out where I am
going to settle. At least I have Netflix and a laptop, that will cover me for
movies and TV for a while. I wonder what the weather is like this time of year
in Wichita? I am afraid to look online to find out, I am afraid I will find out
it is miserable, or that the city is ugly, or that it is in the middle of a
horrible depression and there are no jobs to be had. I know that I am just
worrying to scare myself, but I can't help it. Other than for school, I have
never made a big move like this before. How did you do it? You make moving
about the country, and living in all sorts of places, and making new friends,
and everything look so easy! Is moving still scary for you, too? You always
seem so excited, and I feel so terrified and unsure. What if this is wrong?
What if I am meant to stay in Bend and work at my old job and make the best
of it?
But I can't do that. I can't stand to
feel like I am just treading water and not making anything of myself. I want to
do something with my life! I want to make a difference, even if it just to
myself. I want to feel like I have done something big, something important,
something that matters. I am not talking about winning a Nobel Prize or
anything, just doing something more than punching my timecard and answering
phones or flipping burgers all day. I want to do something that other people
will be able to see, and that will make them say "look at the girl, she
really has done something good." I guess that is what everyone wants, but
just because everybody wants it does not mean that I can't want it to, or that
it is not something to pursue, even if chasing it leads me halfway across the
nation.
Maybe I will get to Wichita and it
will be wonderful, and I will get a job that gives me time to write, and
doesn't leave me feeling so drained and horrible at the end of the day that
even watching TV is a chore. Then I could write that book I have been talking
about and fiddling with since I was an undergrad and took those creative
writing courses. This might be my chance to become a real writer. Not the
starving-writer-living-in-someone's-attic type, but a successful writer. Maybe
I can manage to at least write enough to keep myself afloat, and that can be my
job. Then I won't have to worry about answering phones or flipping burgers.
Maybe Wichita will be just what I need to get started. A big city, lots of new
people to meet and new sights to see, it will be a whole new world for me, so
different from little Arbuckle. I can hope, can't I?
I suppose I should stop writing and
get to packing, there is so much that needs done before I can get going. I have
someone who wants to rent the house already, I only posted it a few days ago.
It's a single guy, says he needed a break from big cities and thought he would
come to live somewhere quiet for a year or two. Well, it can't get much quieter
than Bend. He seems nice enough, and he wants to rent the place furnished,
so I don't have to worry about storing the furniture, just my personal stuff
that I won't be taking with me yet. Which is great, since that means I can get
a smaller storage space, which means it will cost less. Plus I will be getting
rent from this guy, so that will add a little to my income, which should make the
job hunt once I get to Wichita a little less frantic. Not a lot less frantic,
but a little. I plan on getting everything packed up today and tomorrow, then I
can drive everything I am storing over to the locker and pack up the car with
all the stuff I am taking. Then I have to go through the house and really clean
it to get it ready for my new tenant (I have a tenant! Weird). I am not
entirely sure what to do about all the stuff in the fridge. I am trying to eat
what I can of the things that need to be refrigerated since it seems a waste to
throw them out. This has made for a few interesting meals these past few days,
and getting more interesting as the ingredient list diminishes. The pantry
stuff I am not worried about, since I will just bring it along. I am going to
need to eat in Wichita too, and non-perishables will be really handy until I
can get an apartment and get everything unpacked. This will be the cleanest I
will have seen the house since I moved in . . . Ever. I mean, I cleaned it, and for parties all
the public rooms could get absolutely sparkling, you just had to know not to
open any closets or my bedroom door. This is going to be absolutely, completely
clean. I even rented a carpet cleaner to get out all the mystery spots and
stains that I usually just put rugs or coffee tables over. It will be a little
strange to see all my furniture in it, but none of my personal stuff. But the
guy I am renting the house to seems very responsible, I think he should take
care of everything just fine. I put in the lease that he is responsible for all
bills and all yard maintenance, plus any minor repairs. I will only have to
worry about taking care of big things, and nothing big has happened in that
house my whole life and longer, or at least so the last owner told me. So really, the house will be his problem and I
just get paid for letting him use it, which is fine by me.
Just before I go, after I have packed
the car, I think I should take a trip to Fred Meyer or Costco, strictly for drinks and
snacks for the drive, they should be cheaper there than getting things along
the way. Freddie's has cheaper gas than other places too, so I can stock up on
travel goodies, fill the tank, and head straight out onto the highway. I would
say that I am planning on getting an early start, but I know myself too well
for that. But I do hope to get onto the road before noon. Then it is just
driving until its gets late and I get too tired to drive, finding a little
hotel along the highway to spend the night, and doing it all again the next
day. Google says it is about 1,653 miles, which should take 24 hours by
freeway, so that is about 4 days of driving, figuring on a late start on day
one, and time to find a place in Wichita on day four. Things are going to be
crazy the next few days while I get everything packed up and taken care of, so
I will probably be too busy to really write, but I will write you just as soon
as I get to Wichita and find a place. Here's to setting out on a new adventure! Wish me luck!
Your friend,
Emily
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